How to Write an Essay - Examples of Good and Bad Writing

 

bad essay example

How To Write An Essay Part 8 - Examples of Good and Bad Writing. Learning to write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in the bunch. 5+ Persuasive Essay Examples & Samples – PDF, DOC Persuasive writing can be difficult, especially when you’re forced to face with a close-minded audience. But even the hardest of shells have a soft spot, you just need to know how to crack it. May 10,  · Below are sample excerpts from what I think is a really bad writing. These excerpts are collected from different stories, either written by me (sometimes, when you edit, you find monsters), or by other authors. I won’t disclose their names though. Read the following samples, guess what’s wrong with them, and never write like this. /5.


Bad College Essays: 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid


Users of Lynx and disabled readers can jump directly to page content with this link. Learning to write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in the bunch.

In most cases, the names and dates from the essays have been changed to not compromise the subject matter for future students in other words, don't use any of the apparent research information here in your papers. I have bad essay example to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Smith was a religious, bad essay example, Christian man. His notion of monads included contextual references to God. He believed that God controls the harmony of life through these monads.

The essay then goes on to discuss these monads in a Christian context. Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of place, given the essay's topic.

But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to mention the religious aspect. Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about someone in an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. For example, it is irrelevant to mention a scientist's race in an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the discovery.

An example of this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in proportionally higher numbers, bad essay example. If the same scientist was researching some aspect of physics, it would probably not be relevant to mention the race at all.

Although certainly not of humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, bad essay example, and theology.

Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, bad essay example, but he became known particularly for his contributions in the fields of philosophy, bad essay example, mathematics, and logistics.

This paper will not only shed light on some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was.

This is the introduction to a chronologically-ordered essay about Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to begin with his date of birth is a good one. The paragraph summarizes the fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied.

The paper sets up an expectation for the reader of both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and anecdotes describing his personality. The sentence structure is grammatically sound and flows well. In the late 'sSmith's mother returned to Londonshe then pulled him out of school with the intent to make him a farmer. Smith invented the widgetiscope and paved bad essay example way for future widget watching. All-the-while remaining a simple and humble man who considered himself to bad essay example part of a team working for the greater good.

The two differing approaches of development already described, eventually led to the development of the two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish, bad essay example. This sentence is mispunctuated. The comma is confusing and should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Another of Smith's ideas was the method of differentiation.

The university re-opened after the plague in Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, and awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree Bogus 4, bad essay example.

After the realization that Calculus bad essay example important, bad essay example, and was being recognized, a document to record all of the theories became a necessity.

The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the theory of differentiation, was created in Smith believed he was being pulled in two directions when it came to publishing his theories and making his work known, bad essay example. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on the other hand he had an abundant fear of rejection.

To the dismay of many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of criticism. Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor. This so-called paragraph is an utter mess, bad essay example. There are far too many ideas in it, all of which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the entire paragraph would bad essay example bold if I did.

Now, if we replace each sentence with the number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, bad essay example, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3. Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and then leap to another topic in the next sentence. While it may sometimes be necessary to mention something as an aside to complement the topic, the return to the topic should be swift and easy to understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done.

Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the paragraph. Did the university re-open inor was the plague in ? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or bad essay example year?

Similarly, when did the major bad essay example and Master's Degree come in? It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. The document was created inbad essay example, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to publish and seek work as a professor instead? Also ? It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith!

The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the entire thing hard to understand. I'll make some assumptions regarding the confusing date information. Here is how this information should have been presented:. Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of his theories on the subject.

Thus, when the bad essay example re-opened in following the plague and Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium.

Although Smith wished to attain fame and fortune, he also feared rejection. This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year].

Since he was not interested in publishing his work, he concentrated instead on pursuing a position as a professor. Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for his work Bogus. What does this mean?

Does the student mean that one of Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry? Does he bad essay example that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely?

This makes little sense and is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts bad essay example, or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at this distance of time no direct evidence is available. Questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers.

There are still questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope.

Such questions are rooted so far in the past, however, that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the means of his visiting Hamburg.

Jones explained ideas too enormous to understand, and simplified problems too complex to approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible. If the ideas were too complicated to understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself.

If the problems were too complex to approach, Jones could not have approached them. More samples of hyperbole can be found in the collection of items with several errors, bad essay example. After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for several months. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor. A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death Bogus His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died.

He was premature after suffering from illness due to the shock of her husband's passing during the fall. Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. Thus, the verb "were" should be singular as well, and changed to "was. It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus. But perhaps the largest obstaclebad essay example the Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system.

This says that Smith's father died at the age of six. The student means: "Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died. Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter bad essay example after the publication of his discoveries. Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the angles of the projected colour, a new law of refraction could be made.

People can "make" legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are "discovered. During the seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did bad essay example realize the importance of scientific advancement. At the current time, bad essay example, the dominant belief was that light traveled in wave.

Secondly, Jones' reliance bad essay example geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an example of a student not knowing the proper meaning of a word.

 

Example of a College Essay that Needs Revision | CollegeBasics

 

bad essay example

 

5+ Persuasive Essay Examples & Samples – PDF, DOC Persuasive writing can be difficult, especially when you’re forced to face with a close-minded audience. But even the hardest of shells have a soft spot, you just need to know how to crack it. personal essay is probably one bad the harder assignments to revise. Bad takers are allotted 45 essays to complete. Writing examples is included in each English example. The introduction will essay the question or issue debated in the course of the paper, as well as an overview. May 18,  · Bad College Essays: 10 Mistakes You Must Avoid. Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays – and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident. For example.